It has been over week since Mum and Dad decided to go on a new venture...pasture new...well kind of retire...but leave me and pack their bags...

I guess most people feel what I feel today when they get married and leave home...or when they go off to university...maybe if we had gone through this changing experience when I was younger it would have been different...perhaps even easier....but being at a place that I am today...(actually sitting in their living room...just with different furniture as what it used to be...)..I feel rather strange...I miss them deeply and I feel an emptiness...I know I will get use to it and my dear hubby is doing his best to try and make the transition much easier...but can't help thinking...can I cope? or for how long before I crack?

I suppose my relationship to my past is changing... For a long time it seemed like something I had to carry like a backpack, but then, month by month, I learned what parts of history I could leave behind. Today, I have the best possible relationship, keeping the essence of who I've always been without needing to be obsessed by history, but certain gifts do come from the past...Perhaps I can bring a deep and personal talent to the forefront of our life and share it with my loved ones.

What is normally intangible, lacking form or a clear idea to define its reality, is suddenly taking shape even as I sit here writting. maybe this 'something' is subject to change, and it would be wise to consider any plans, ambitions or ideas to be works in progress rather than representing a fixed goal or necessity. .. starting to get a picture, and at the same time, there's a great deal yet to discover...

I am not a person who likes to live life on hopes and wishes. I am more the type who would prefer to invest in solid real estate, or stick to buying stock in the old stalwart companies rather than the new and unusual ones....

Sometimes when a person finds his or her voice, self-awareness or what is often termed 'personal power', it can send the lives of people around them into a little crisis. Often the cause goes unacknowledged, for one thing, because it's so embarrassing to think that one person getting real can bring up so much insecurity. One of the reasons many people resist getting real is because 'it's scary'.

I guess I am making the same mistake. Perhaps I should Let each authentic moment lead to the next.